Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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