I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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