yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
