I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize