Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
