I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
