just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
