i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
