I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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