Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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