The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
