I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
