Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize