sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
