Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
