Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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