we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
