I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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