First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
