Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
