We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
