What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
