The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
