if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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