So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
