OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
