I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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