I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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