no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
