I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Randomize
