i would punch a child for taco bell
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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