My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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