Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
