Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
