our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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