I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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