Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
