great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
