And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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