Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
