morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
