Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
