xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is the high leading the old right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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