I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
