Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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