im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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