My cat gives me a boner
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
