I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
