just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
