I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize