I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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