his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this just has baby written all over it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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