Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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