respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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