just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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