I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
