he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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