meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
