He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
