If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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