we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
