So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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