just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
