marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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